There used to be a time in my life when I felt so guilty of sin (pornography) that I would feel too distant from God to even repent. That’s not what God wants, but that’s what I felt sin had done to me at that time. As I was reading Romans 11 this morning, this verse really stood out to me:
11:32 “For God has bound all men over to disobedience so that he may have mercy on them all.”
God wants to have mercy on you. He wants to show you his grace. He has made you flawed for a reason.
This makes it easier to turn away from sin and accept God’s grace, because I know that he understands me, he made me this way. He knows our every thought even before we think it. He knows the number of hairs on our head. God knows you, and he has put your Spirit in a flawed body. He’s essentially set you up for failure, but you can accept that and turn to him for his mercy. This humbles me. This makes it easier to ask God for forgiveness.
Reading this verse made me think about the famine that brought Joseph’s family to Egypt. Egypt had enough food to supply all of the starving villages nearby with enough food to get by. Each of the surrounding villages had to humble themselves and accept the food from the pharaoh in order to survive. I imagine God as the pharaoh in this situation, building up His kingdom and the people surrounding it. But unlike the pharaoh, God has the power to shut off the rain and start a famine in the land (which he actually did in this case). He does this so that his people can humble themselves and come to him for food (mercy). He wants to be at the forefront of their thoughts. He uses the famine to help them recognize how small and fragile they are in comparison to him. We are nothing without him.
I guess it’s time to humble myself and go to God knowing that he made me this way and has set up this system so that I can freely receive grace whenever I go to him for forgiveness. This makes things a whole lot easier to embrace.
In those moments of sin, know that God is waiting for you to turn back; it’s the devil that is hardening your heart and building up the unwillingness to repent.